It is about time that I set some goals. Some real, solid ones. I have finally made some weight loss goals.
I’m always scared to make weight loss goals because I have this horrible fear of not reaching weight loss goals. Numbers are really important to me, being the mathematician that I am, and they seem like a more realistic and solid thing that I’m working toward. I also always feel like more of a failure if I don’t meet these goals. This time, I feel like I have set some realistic goals especially after having had some practice and knowing what my body is capable of on my previous weight loss journey.
My overall goal is to lose 53 pounds in 2013 but I’m going to break it up.
My first goal is to lose 28 pounds by my 29th birthday on May 18th.
Not only am I shedding 28 pounds, but I shed my age of 28. Get it? Gosh, I’m so clever. I’m a bit sad to turn 29 not because I’m closer to 30 like most people would think but because 28 is my favourite number and always has been. I won’t bore you with all my fancy mathematical reasons or all the other reasons from my life but lets just say that 28 is really special to me. Anyway, this is a little less than 18 weeks away and to reach it, I must lose a little less than 1.5 pounds per week. I think that’s fair and achievable. I’m already ahead of target. Hopefully I can reach it.
I haven’t decided how I will split up the rest yet. I will probably have another mini goal for my July trip to New York and reward myself with a shopping spree while I’m there. I plan to go over there with an empty suitcase and fill it up when I’m there. My end goal will be to hit my goal of 150 pounds at least by the end of 2013 which means I will have lost 53 pounds in 2013. Following the current trend of just under 1.5 lost per week, I’d achieve it in the middle of September. We will see, though. It’s always harder to lose weight once you’re thinner so I’ll probably adjust my goals once I get closer.
Other than making some goals for myself, I have been doing really well. I have been sticking with the 30 day shred and replacing the battery in my heart rate monitor’s chest strap fixed it so my workouts seem to have a new purpose.
I did the shred every day this week besides the one day I mentioned in my last post where I was really feeling really sore and exhausted and decided to listen to my body. I’m feeling really positive and motivated again and it is a really good feeling.
I am headed to a bachelorette/hen party this weekend (it’s a 2.5 day event) and I’m a bit nervous how it will have an impact on my new lifestyle but I’m hoping that I will find a way to stay active and at least not eat everything that is put in front of me. I’ll try and fill my mouth with conversation instead of food! Wish me luck! Somehow I think I may have a bit of extra workouts to do when I come back! That’s life sometimes, isn’t it? I’ve been looking forward to this weekend for about a year.
Current Weight: 199.0 lb
Previous Weight: 199.8 lb
Weight Loss: -0.8 lb
Weight Loss Total: -4.0 lb
It’s not as much as I was hoping for, but I’m getting there.
I decided to take a rest day today because my legs actually hurt really bad today. I’m going to listen to my body this time instead of pushing it. Even though lately I have been in sort of a rush, I guess I’m really not in a rush. I’ve got the rest of my life to be healthy (well, I will now that I am being healthy). So there’s really no rush. I just have to calm down. It’s not a race. Plus, there’s always that saying that the weight is more likely to stay off the slower it comes off.
I’m so impatient.
I have really been trying my best and although I have yet to see the changes that I wanted to see on the scale (yes, I’m very impatient, thank you very much) I have started to see a great deal of changes in my habits and my mood. I’m more of the optimistic, happy Caity that I should be. That’s really what it’s all about in the long run anyway, isn’t it? Yes.
I decided that since I was getting frustrated, I would start taking it up a notch and stop the baby steps for now. Don’t get me wrong, I think baby steps are great but not when you are ready for something more. Sometimes you have to push yourself. Sometimes when I’m ready for something more and I keep taking baby steps, I start making excuses. So when I’m ready to step it up, I have to or it all falls apart.
I lowered my daily calorie allowance by 200 calories. It doesn’t sound like much but it really can be a lot at the end of the day when you want that extra bit at dinner or you want that treat after dinner when your husband is eating a big bowl of ice cream in front of you. For me, it’s okay because it encourages me to exercise more. I am a fan of eating back my exercise calories. I’m not saying go grab a donut every time you work out but it’s okay to eat back some of those calories that you burned off during the day if you have allotted them to yourself. It is healthy this way and the weight is more likely to stay off. Plus, I don’t feel like I’m starving myself.
I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred again. It is something that I know. It’s right in my house. It’s easy. It gets results. It doesn’t take very long. I do it right when I wake up. I guess in a way this is still baby steps, but just bigger baby steps. Maybe toddler steps?
Some things about exercising are frustrating me still. Two main things, really. One, I really want to spin. I got a brand new spin bike for Christmas and it’s sitting here staring me in the face but every time I go to use it, it makes this clicking noise and drives me insane. I think I’m just really too angry that it does this to do anything. It’s next on the list of things to do. I think I’m scared it will be a big problem so I’m just ignoring it.
Secondly, my heart rate monitor just won’t work. I’ve been trying to resolve this problem, though. I bought a new battery and it came the other day! It still didn’t work. So yesterday I did some digging around online and I saw that you should wash the chest strap in a different way than I was so I tried that. Still didn’t work. It finally clicked in my head that perhaps the chest strap transmitter needed a new battery too so I have ordered that today. Hopefully next week I’ll have a working HRM again. Gah!
I hate when posts start out super happy and then end in a pile of frustration and I feel forlorn and down in the dumps. It’s pretty much how I start and end every day lately. This will change soon. It’s an improvement from before!
Current Weight: 199.8 lb
Previous Weight: 200.2 lb
Weight Loss: -0.4 lb
Weight Loss Total: -3.2 lb
Well, what can I say? It’s still a loss, right? I’m getting there. Plus, with pretty much no exercise this past week due to my horrible sunburn plus eating out once, I’ll take it.
I’m feeling a lot better about everything. I’m finding myself picking up better eating habits all the time. Falling back into older patterns that are healthy and that I know I had in me somewhere. That’s the hard part. The rest will just follow. They say it takes 3 weeks to form a habit. I’m nearly there.
I’ll leave you with some funny quotes that kept me going this week.
EXERCISE. EX… ER… CISE. EX… AR… SIZE. EGGS… ARE… SIDES. For Bacon. BACON.
There are only two flavours in trail mix. M&Ms and disappointment.
Broccoli might get stuck in your teeth but french fries get stuck in your ass. Eat healthy.
When you’re having one of those days where you feel a big weight on your shoulders, do squats.
I went for a run but I came back after two minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I’m out of shape and I can’t freaking run for more than two minutes.
I’ve been struggling. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but I don’t think that I expected this.
What I learned last time in my journey is that weight loss, at least for me, is mostly in my head. It’s more of an emotional journey than a physical one. It can only happen when I’m changing on the inside. As much as I already knew this since I’ve had success in the past and already formed this exact conclusion, I think I expected this restart to be easier. Way easier. It’s just rough. I can’t stop beating myself up. Expecting more from myself. Thinking I should have lost more weight or done more exercise or eaten less. I’m so incredibly frustrated because I am expecting myself to be further along in my journey than I already am. I don’t think I realised how far back I had plummeted.
The difference this time is that no matter what, I’m just going to keep at it.
I went on a 2 day vacation to a beach house a few days ago. My husband and I shared a small cabin with another couple. I didn’t enjoy myself as much as I should have because I was too busy beating myself up and thinking about my weight. I’m more self conscious than I was when I was even heavier than I am now. I kept bringing it up to my husband and I’m sure it’s not fun to hear someone complaining about their weight and how much they absolutely loathe themselves while you’re trying to enjoy your vacation. As much as he loves me, there’s only so many times he can reassure me before he’s just over it.
I did have a pretty nice time, though. I went swimming a lot and we went on a lot of walks. I swam for hours and hours on both days and on the second day we went for a long walk that took about 40 minutes each way and entailed climbing over rocks.
The most important thing to me was that Josh got to hang out with his best friend who he hasn’t seen in 6 years. He lives in Switzerland right now and between us living in America for 4 years and then him getting his job in Switzerland, it was nearly impossible for them to see each other for so long.
I was selfish during our trip. I should have spent the time doing some self reflection and thinking while in such a beautiful place instead of outwardly complaining to my poor husband who was just trying to enjoy himself. I was rewarded with one of the nastiest sunburns I’ve probably ever had, though. I’ve been unable to work out since I got back because I can barely even move. So I’ve decided to suck it up and be positive. Instead of letting the sunburn thwart me and negativity the continue once I got home, I did what I could – ate right and tried to remain positive and not put myself down and complain out loud, at least. That’s step one.
I’ve got to take it one baby step at a time.
That’s what I’ve learned this week once I looked past my frustration.
Current Weight: 200.2 lb
Previous Weight: 203 lb
Weight Loss: -2.8 lb
Weight Loss Total: -2.8 lb
I have decided to clear my “weight slate” this year since I had such a big fluctuation this past year. By fluctuation, I mean weight gain. I’m off to a good start, though.
I’m finally back on the long journey again. I will get there.
I started doing the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred again. I am not going to do it for a straight 30 days, though. I’m going to mix in a lot of spinning, too. I also decided that I am going to have weekends as rest days at least for the first month. If I can do the 30 Day Shred for 5 weekdays and spin for 2-3 of those weekdays as well, I think rest days are deserved.
So here I am on my first Saturday. A weight loss and a successful couple of exercises under my belt. A good plan in place. I feel guilty.
I should be exercising. I should be doing something else. I’m starting to obsess again. I won’t. I am going to hold strong. I am going to just take it one step at a time. I’m going to hold to the goals that I have made for myself and not spin out of control. I’m going to learn to be proud of my accomplishments again and not keep trying to exceed them once I’ve reached them.
The process begins again. It’s always about more than just weight loss.
I’m still at it. I’ve been under my calorie goal for 3 days in a row and I’ve started the 30 Day Shred again.
I was thinking about when my weigh-in should be. Since my official start was on January 1 again (ugh, how cliche`), I thought that perhaps I should continue to weigh myself on Tuesdays. Then I decided against it since weighing on the weekends seemed to work out really well for me last time. So it’s decided then. I’ll weigh in on Sunday mornings and this week I will just have a few less days between weigh-ins.
I used to be one of those people who weighed themselves every day. I am not going to go to one extreme and chuck the scale in the closet for a month (although it must be nice to step on the scale and see such a huge difference) but instead I’m going to try sticking to only stepping on once a week and not taking peeks in between. I need to have some sort of affirmation that the scale is going in the right direction but I don’t think it is a good thing to constantly be obsessing over it, either.
Recently, my husband climbed a big sand mountain.
He’s not in the greatest shape either but he saw it and he said to me, “I’m going to climb that.” It was as simple as that. He had to stop a few times on the way up, at one point just curling up under a bush gasping for breath, but he did it. He climbed the entire thing.
Proof. Here he is waving his shirt at me who was standing down taking photos.
He inspires me even though he doesn’t know it.
Soon I will climb mountains with him.